


I'll Forgive You In Time

by Anonymous



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Being Walked In On, Canon Divergence- Chimera Ant Arc Did Not Happen, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, First Kiss, First Love, Grooming, Guilt, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Ging Freecs/Kaito | Kite, Minor Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Past Relationship(s), Sex, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Killua had suspected that Gon had a crush on Kite, but that it was nothing more than puppy love. And he didn’t think that Kite would actually reciprocate. Killua felt sick to his stomach as he realized why he had come in here in the first place. He thought Gon was in danger, and went to get help. He had come to Kite for help.But Kite was the very thing Gon needed help from.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Kaito | Kite
Kudos: 7
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

Gon started to take walks at night. Killua had noticed it a month ago. 

“Just need to clear my head, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things,” he had said, before leaving. He was never gone for long, but Killua felt a pang of guilt that Gon couldn’t talk to him about his problems. Did he not  _ trust _ Killua? 

He trusted Kite. Killua knew that for sure. The two of them were always talking in a hushed sense, sharing secrets. Probably inside jokes. Kite would wake Gon up early sometimes to take Gon fishing. Killua wasn’t a fan of fishing, but sometimes he wished that he had gotten the idea first before Kite did, and he already talked about how much he  _ didn’t _ want to go on those trips, it wasn’t as if he could start now. But it made him feel left out. 

He was still best friends with Gon, but he couldn’t help wanting more. 

It had been Gon’s idea to hang around Kite for longer, and “longer” had turned into years at this point. He didn’t want to admit it to Gon, but Killua loved him deeply. So when Gon stuck around, Killua did too. 

Gon had an admiration for Kite. Killua had seen it many times in the way he looked at him. He wanted Gon to look at him like that. He wanted Gon to get all blushy just from receiving a compliment from  _ him, _ not from Kite. He wanted Gon to talk about  _ him _ all the time, not Kite. It was Kite this, Kite that, always Kite Kite Kite. And sure, Kite was cool, he was  _ older _ and had a really sick nen ability, but so did  _ Killua _ . What was so special about Kite that made Gon borderline  _ enamored _ with him? It couldn’t just be that he was Gon’s only connection to his father, but if so, Killua resolved to respect it. He didn’t know what it felt like to be abandoned by a parent.

Maybe he was a jealous person. He couldn’t discount it. But Gon could never know about these feelings he had for him. Well, not now at least. Maybe there would be a time when he could talk to him about it. 

That night, Killua noticed the bed sheets were tousled, but Gon wasn’t within them. Perhaps he had just gotten up to pee, or take a walk. Killua brushed his hand against the sheets, face going just as white as them as he realized they were  _ cold _ . 

Gon had been gone for a  _ while _ . 

Killua rushed outside, but there was no trace of him. Gon usually only took an hour or two on his walks, or maybe it was longer. Killua wracked his brain to try to figure out if it was plausible for Gon to have been gone long enough for his sheets to get  _ that _ cold, but he was never really kept track before now. 

Maybe there was a bigger issue here. 

Killua’s mind started to spin, thinking the worst. What if something bad had happened to Gon? What if he got into trouble? 

Gon was always a bit too friendly with the wildlife, what if he went in way over his head? What if there was a wild beast attack? What if he had run into some poachers in the area? Sure, Gon could fend for himself, but what if he was vastly outnumbered? What if he was in trouble, right now, and Killua was wasting time by not going after him? 

Fuck, he needed to get Kite. If there was something out there that could take Gon, he would need all the help he could get. 

Killua went back into the cabin, and walked up to Kite’s room. But as he approached, he heard the faint sound of Kite moving around in his room. Oh, good, Kite was still awake, he wouldn’t have to worry about almost getting shot by waking him up. Killua placed his hand on the doorknob and slowly creaked the door open. 

He suddenly wished he hadn’t. 

Kite was awake, alright, looking him dead in the eyes. But that wasn't the notable feature.

Gon was on his knees, back turned towards Killua, wearing only his boxers, with Kite’s hands in his hair, getting  _ facefucked _ . 

Killua felt the bloodlust inside of him rise, even more so as Kite dropped his hands to his sides in shock. He was stuck, trapped in this position, watching as Gon greedily wrapped his hands around Kite to take more of him in his mouth like he was  _ experienced _ . Gon, no. No, no, no. What was he  _ doing _ .

Kite came. He was silent, but Killua could see the fear in his eyes deepen into shame as Gon pulled off the head of his cock. 

“How was that, Kite, am I getting better? Oh, please tell me I was good.”

Killua was speechless. There were no words he could use to describe the situation. Kite, the man who had been travelling with them for  _ three years _ was fucking his best friend. Kite had  _ fucked _ him. Killua couldn’t burn the image out of his mind.

He had suspected that Gon had a crush on Kite, but that it was nothing more than puppy love. And he didn’t think that Kite would  _ actually reciprocate _ . Killua felt sick to his stomach as he realized why he had come in here in the first place. He thought Gon was in danger, and went to get help. He had come to  _ Kite _ for help. But Kite was the very thing Gon needed help from. 

That’s it, he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t just stare at the situation and process it, it was too much all at once. His head was swimming with enough emotions to drown him. His anger and his fear were battling inside of him, somehow coming from two different places but eventually coming together in a mutual  _ hatred _ for Kite. 

“What the  _ fuck _ !”


	2. Chapter 2

_ 6 months ago _

It started off like anything, a purely innocent curiosity. It had been almost three years since Kite had first met the boys. 

Gon was growing more like Ging by the day. 

Maybe it was the reckless abandon in which he saw the world, or his ability to think out of the box and figure out problems in inventive ways. But there was the striking physical resemblance as well, the older he grew, the more he started to look more and more like his father. This was Ging’s son. 

_ Ging _ . 

The name had a special place within Kite’s heart. They’d met many years ago, a year before Gon was born. He’d only been fourteen at the time, but he had grown absolutely smitten with him. There was something about the seventeen year old that just resonated with him, Ging was the first person that had ever paid attention to him. He was funny, he was outgoing, he was even a bit bashful sometimes. And he loved hanging out with him. Every moment Ging paid attention to him, he felt something fuzzy inside him fluttering to life. 

But it couldn’t last; they’re never meant to. Kite couldn’t hold him down. Maybe it was that Ging had never seen him as anything more than a child or a student, but in all the times he spent chasing Ging, his feelings never really faded. 

And now Ging had entrusted him with his son. 

But as much as he thought about it, he couldn’t see Gon as his own son. He was  _ Ging’s _ son that he was helping. He wasn’t  _ Ging _ . He couldn’t  _ be _ Ging. 

Yet, Gon  _ loved _ him, adored him. The boy had an admiration for him, and whether or not it was because he was connected to Ging, or not, Kite couldn’t tell. It made him feel warm inside. He wasn’t around people too often, besides meeting with his team twice a year, and all the affection he’d gotten from Gon was nice. 

He and Killua had only planned to travel with him for a few months, but Gon had  _ insisted _ that they stay together for longer, and Killua complied. 

Then, things started to change. Kite began to notice Gon’s eyes softening a bit more when he looked at him, the admiration being laced with something else, a different emotion he hadn’t seen in a while. It reminded him of the way Ging used to look at him when they were together. Gon started to get a bit more touchy. It was innocent at first, lingering a bit on hugs, brushing hands together, so Kite had warmed up to it. 

Brief touches became more prolonged, and more deliberate. The teasing and complimenting, too. Kite couldn’t help but feel as if the roles between him and Ging had been reversed. He now had someone admiring him. But there was so much about Gon to admire too. 

The two of them began to spend more time together. Sometimes when it was late at night, Gon would come into his tent or room to talk, about anything, really. How his day was, Killua, his plans for the future. 

Until he dropped the bomb.

“Kite, I love you.”  
It had come out of nowhere. If they had been fishing, or eating lunch, or even with _Killua_ around, Kite may have overlooked it as admiration. But with Gon cuddled up on his chest, fingers twirling in his hair, he knew exactly what it meant. 

And for a split second, Kite almost said it back.

What was he  _ doing _ . Gon was sixteen, and he was  _ almost _ twice his age. 

“Gon,” Kite said, moving so Gon had to get up off of him. He looked at him. How had he gotten into this situation in the first place? They had clearly blurred some boundaries long ago, unchecked and left to stew. It was his fault for not instilling them sooner. He needed to end this now, now that it had been acknowledged. “You can’t love me.”

“I know you have a hard time loving yourself, so I’ll love you extra for the both of us,” said Gon, reaching out towards him to give him a big hug. Kite pushed him off, more forcefully this time. Gon looked at him, his golden eyes now  _ burning _ with emotion. 

“Gon, I... we can’t be doing this. It’s not healthy. Don’t go there,” said Kite, feeling his cheeks heat up. Gon’s expression softened, as if he understood what was going on. Damn that boy and his perception. Damn it to hell. 

“Why not, Kite? I can’t help who I love, and you can’t either,” said Gon, scooching a bit closer. “It’s okay as long as we don’t get caught.”

The words rang in Kite’s ears. Was Gon proposing that they…. 

No, he couldn’t take him up on the offer, he couldn’t do that to Gon. 

“What’s so wrong about it if no one knows?” asked Gon, climbing closer up onto Kite, whose back was pushed up against the backboard of the bed. He was frozen, unable to move, as Gon brought his lips closer and closer, until he was kissing him, right then and there. 

Kite’s mind went completely blank. This was wrong. This was very wrong. But…

No buts. 

No.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” said Gon, pulling out of the kiss. “See? We’re okay, that didn’t change anything.”

Kite felt his chest tensing up. He felt sick to his stomach as his mind actually  _ considered _ the possibility of dating Gon. If they didn’t get caught… 

He really shouldn’t be doing this. It was inherently wrong. But something inside of him just rationalized it. No one would need to know about it, and if they were careful, they could even avoid Killua figuring it out. This was probably just a phase for him, he would soon grow bored of him and move on to other newer more exciting people. Kite saw the looks Killua was giving him, perhaps he could give him what he wanted. 

But what was so wrong if Gon wanted a little exploration? 

Kite’s face flushed a deeper red as he remembered his own sexual exploration. The only person he’d been close with at the time was Ging. The way his hands were rough and forceful, even possessive of Kite only served to embarrass him more. 

Gon wasn’t Ging. No matter how easy it was to forget that, sometimes he would say something, or do something, that made Kite feel a wave of nostalgia. But Gon’s touches were softer, more gentle, as if he wanted to caress and explore Kite. It felt more innocent, less salacious. 

They were really careful in the beginning. No touching unless they were completely alone. But as the relationship progressed, Gon would steal kisses in broad daylight where even Killua could see if he was paying attention. It began to get riskier, and riskier. Kite knew he should have ended it, but something selfish inside of him didn’t want to. It had gone on this long, and Killua hadn’t noticed, what was the issue there? 

Everytime Kite forgot how young Gon was, Gon would say or do something to remind him, and the pain in his heart would return again. 

“Kite, I never asked, but do you have a last name?”

He’d said no. Kite had grown up an orphan, never knowing his parents. But this wasn’t the first time he’d had this conversation. Gon really was his father’s son. 

“Well, if we get married in the future, you can have mine.”

There was something about the innocence of that statement that made Kite feel like he was burning inside. This relationship couldn’t last. It  _ shouldn’t _ have begun. This wasn’t something where they could be together forever, this wasn’t something that should  _ ever _ leave the haven of the forests. Gon just didn’t understand the social stigma that came with it. Kite was in the wrong here for letting it continue, and Gon was tormenting him on the inside. He didn’t have the heart to tell Gon off for it, he just smiled sadly. He had to end it. Sometime. But not yet. 

Innocent touches and kisses intensified, growing deeper, more fervent over time. Kite knew Gon was going to want to go there sooner or later, but not this fast. Gon was always stubborn about getting what he wanted. And he found something that he wanted. 

"Kite, I want to have sex," Gon delivered as calmly as an afternoon breeze. 

"When you're older," said Kite, leaving out a mention that it shouldn't be with him. It was hypocritical of him; he and Ging had fooled around when he’d been even younger than Gon was now. 

Kite paused, looking out over the lake as he watched his fishing line. Nothing was biting. Gon reeled in his line and held onto his fishing leg between his knees.

"Oh come on, Kite, I'm ready," he said, leaning onto him, getting closer and more dangerously in his face. Kite continued to look ahead as he felt Gon's hand slip between his legs. He couldn't deny that just the touch of Gon's hand through his pants was arousing him; Gon could tell too. It was all the proof Gon had needed. "You want it, too." 

Kite couldn't bring himself to do anything, to say anything. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He couldn't do this to Gon, he shouldn't- 

Kite flinched. There was a tug on his line, snapping him back to reality. Unfortunately, it was the reality that Gon wasn't just pressing up on him, but grabbing him. Gon was in his teenage years, it was normal for him to be curious about sex stuff. But he had chosen Kite to be his outlet.

The first time they fucked, Kite could only think about Ging. But Gon wasn’t Ging. The second time, he saw him as Ging’s son. But Ging was only father by blood. The third time, he was Gon. 

It was incredibly risky. There was no reason for it, either. 

But it was okay, as long as they didn’t get caught. As long as he was careful, they wouldn’t. 

* * *

The phrase became his mantra.

Here they were, present time. It was late at night, after Gon and Killua were supposed to be asleep. The cabin where they were staying for the week had two bedrooms, one for them, and one for Kite. Gon, however, had a habit of slipping into Kite’s bedroom whenever he was feeling lonely. A lot of the time, it was to talk, or to cuddle. But sometimes, it was a bit more than that. No, a  _ lot _ more than that. 

Gon was on his knees, looking up at him with those golden eyes of his. Some would say he had wide innocent eyes, but his smirk gave away his true intentions. Gon knew what he was doing, he knew what he wanted. And Kite was so, so fucked up for enabling it. 

“You’re doing really good, Gon,” murmured Kite gruffly, as he ran his fingers through Gon’s soft hair. Gon greedily lapped up his cock, rolling his tongue over it as if he wanted to to taste the full thing in its entirety. He felt so good, so good against his dick. Kite closed his eyes, and let Gon take over, more and more. This wasn’t the first time they’d done things, and Gon’s experience was there to show for it. 

The door creaked open slowly, but it was still too fast.

Kite opened his eyes immediately, as a wave of shame washed over him. Standing in the doorway was none other than Killua, sapphire eyes filled with a combination of rage and fear. Kite let go of Gon’s head, mouth agape, completely still. He was trapped, frozen, like a deer in the headlights. 

Killua had caught them. 

Killua had  _ caught _ them. 

Gon, obviously confused, wrapped his hands around Kite’s asscheeks, digging his fingers into them as he pushed his mouth down further onto his dick, taking him fully in the mouth, back and forth, back and forth. 

He didn’t know. 

Kite wanted to push him off, right then, right there, but his body was completely frozen in shock. Deep down, he knew that it was because if he moved it meant he had to acknowledge the situation in front of Killua. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Killua, of all people, was never supposed to know. Everything started to hit him at once. The shame, the fear, the absolute self  _ hatred _ he had for letting this get that far. And the fact that at this moment, he came harder than he had ever before. 

But he was completely silent, looking Killua dead in the eyes when it happened. 

“How was that, Kite, am I getting better? Oh, please tell me I was good.”

Gon’s wide golden eyes looked up at him, filled with an admiration and a desire for the praise. Gon loved to be praised, for he loved Kite and cared about what he thought. And Kite normally made sure to shower him in affection. His mouth was still glimmering with a mixture of fresh saliva and cum. 

He had done this to Gon. He was fucking a  _ teenager _ who saw him as a father figure. He was enabling him to pursue an unhealthy relationship. He couldn’t divorce the thoughts from his mind, what he had just  _ done _ , what Killua had just  _ seen _ . 

_ “It’s okay as long as we don’t get caught.” _

But they got caught. Why was this a justification in the first place? It was fucked up beyond all comprehension before this. 

“....What the  _ fuck _ !”

Killua’s hiss broke Kite out of his concentration. Gon spun around, face flushing red as a beet, as Kite stood there, hands out in front of him. What had he  _ done _ . 

“Gon, get the  _ fuck _ out of the room,” said Killua, voice shaking. He was looking at Kite with a ferocity Kite hadn’t seen in years. Killua rarely flipped on his assassin switch, but when he did, it was really something else, something terrifying. 

“Killua, it’s-”

“Leave, Gon,” snapped Kite, voice hoarse. Gon grabbed his shirt and pajama pants angrily off Kite’s bed and stormed out of the room, pushing Killua on his way out. The door slammed behind them.

There was a certain atmosphere in the room, one that was incredibly hostile. Kite considered summoning Crazy Slots for this, but thought against it. Could he take Killua in a fight? 

Maybe. 

But did he want to? What he’d done was heinous, terrible. Kite felt his entire body tensing up inside, drowning itself in a long deserved guilt. He should have stopped things sooner, no, never let them grow to fruition. Look where they had got him. It shouldn’t have taken them getting  _ caught _ for him to realize how wrong this was. God, he was so depraved. This was  _ fucked _ . 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself or are you just going to keep standing here with your junk out,” said Killua, narrowing his eyes. Kite quickly bent over and pulled his pants up, face reddening in shame. “Or maybe you knew you were in the wrong from the start.” Kite inhaled sharply, opening his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. What was there to say, anyways? That Gon had initiated things? That it wasn’t always sexual? That they actually cared about each other? That it was okay,  _ as long as we don’t get caught. _

He couldn’t tell Killua that. It was his promise with Gon. And it was broken now. They were careless. But it was for the best. It couldn’t have gone on much longer anyways. He knew Killua was developing feelings for Gon, and there would come a time when he was bound to ask him about it. It was the reason he’d stayed around so long. There was always an imminent time when Kite would have to drop them back off to rejoin society; they couldn’t travel with him forever. But Gon seemed to think that they could. He didn’t understand that people wouldn’t  _ understand _ their relationship. The relationship that never should have happened in the first place. 

“I am so, so sorry,” said Kite, the words slipping out of his mouth, but he didn’t really know who he was talking to. Was it Gon, for allowing him to partake, or was it perhaps Killua for having to witness? Or himself for allowing these feelings to blossom in the first place? Kite closed his eyes, but they snapped right open when Killua grabbed him by the jaw, pulling him down lower. 

“How long, how  _ fucking _ long,” snapped Killua. His voice wavered, he was  _ scared _ . Kite felt  _ horrible _ . He’d known Killua for years, and had practically been a father figure to him and Gon. At least he was  _ supposed _ to be. And here, Killua had to see him like this,  _ fucking _ Gon. 

“Six months,” choked out Kite. Killua’s horrified expression worsened and Kite felt the pit in his stomach sinking deeper than anything ever had before. 

“No, no,” said Killua, hand slipping from Kite’s jaw as his breathing became more shallow. 

“Killua, I can’t even say anything,” choked out Kite. He had betrayed their trust. He had  _ ruined _ not only his relationship with Gon, but his relationship with Killua too. And perhaps done irreversible damage between the two of them too. “Please, leave me be-”

“If you ever so much as  _ look _ at Gon the wrong way again, I will  _ kill  _ you,” growled Killua. That didn’t sound too bad. 

“And I’ll let you,” said Kite, after a pause. “Do what you please.”

“Shut up, stop,” yelled Killua, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t… I…”

Killua didn’t have to finish the sentence for Kite to realize what was happening. Killua  _ knew _ about Gon’s feelings. He’d been there to witness a lot of the love Gon had for him, even if it went unspoken, it still shone deeply in his eyes. The admiration wasn’t something Gon could hide at all. And Killua loved Gon. Kite was someone important to Gon, who was in turn important to Killua. 

“I’ll drop the two of you back in town tomorrow morning,” said Kite. He wanted to reach out and give Killua a hug, tell him everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t right. He shouldn’t touch these two  _ ever _ again. Everything had a different connotation now, a sinister one. He couldn’t be around them anymore, either. “Take good care of Gon.”

Killua stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Kite sank down onto his bed. And cried. He cried for the first time since Ging had left him. But these were undeserved. What the hell was wrong with him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Gon sat outside the door, breathing agrilly as he listened to Kite speak. 

“I am so, so sorry.”

He wasn’t sorry. Gon wanted to do something about it, something about Kite. This was his fault, this was completely his fault. He had gotten careless, he had gotten  _ hungry _ . Kite would treat him with stolen kisses every once in a while, but it was never enough. And he  _ knew _ that he couldn’t be doing these things with Kite, but it just made it all that more exhilarating. 

“How long, how  _ fucking _ long.”

Killua’s words sunk into Gon like a dagger. Kite replied with six months, but Gon had loved him for far longer than that.  _ Three years _ . Three years of feelings built up for Kite, all to be caught in one careless night. 

“If you ever so much as  _ look _ at Gon the wrong way again, I will  _ kill  _ you.”

Gon sunk down lower onto the ground as the tears started to fall from his eyes. He let out a choking noise. No, he couldn’t _lose_ Kite here. Kite was his everything. 

“And I’ll let you. Do what you please.”

He felt a burning anger growing inside of himself at Kite’s remark. Did Gon really mean nothing to him? How could he say that about himself. How could he just  _ allow _ Killua to make threats at him. Did he not care about how Gon would feel? How  _ selfish _ was he. Gon hushed his mouth as he silently prayed that Killua wouldn’t do anything.  _ Please, Killua _ . 

It was as if his prayers were answered when he heard the conversation continue. Gon couldn’t bear to hear the rest of it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He balled his fists and hit the ground. Why couldn’t he have waited? Why did he have to be caught? What the fuck was wrong with  _ him _ ?

Killua slammed the door shut, and immediately froze as Gon looked up to notice him. Both of their eyes were red with tears. Killua wiped his off on his sleeves as Gon did the same. 

“Gon,” said Killua, processing that he had just heard the entire conversation. “I’m serious. If you go near Kite again, I’ll end it myself.”

“Killua, please don’t do that, it’s a misunderstanding, I’m the one who started everything-”

But Killua wasn’t listening. 

“Gon, he’s  _ grooming _ you,” hissed Killua, pushing him up against the wall. “You can’t see it because it’s  _ happening _ to you, Gon, please, open your eyes.”

“Killua, no, you’re wrong, he loves me,” said Gon, angrily. “And I love him too.”  
Killua’s eyes shifted from sadness into anger in less than a second. 

For the first time around him, Gon felt  _ scared _ . 

“Why wasn’t I good enough,” choked out Killua. “If you wanted to try stuff, I would have done it with you. You didn’t have to ask _ Kite. _ Gon, he’s manipulating you-” Gon felt an anger welling up inside of him. How dare Killua insinuate that the only reason he was in a relationship with Kite was because Killua wasn’t available. 

“Stop it. I can’t just replace Kite with you,” said Gon, looking away. He cared for Killua, he really did. He even loved him. But what he had with Kite, it was something special. “I care about you, Killua. But I can’t pursue anything with you when I still feel things for Kite.” Gon cupped Killua’s cheek with his hand. 

“Do you want me to explore your body all while thinking about how I could be doing this to Kite?” Gon felt his voice getting hoarse. “What if… What if I moan his name in bed…”

“I agree that you need time to heal. Gon, he manipulated you. But don’t say that. Stop. It hurts me. If you really cared for me you wouldn’t have done all of this,” said Killua, pointing at the door. Gon felt his stomach do a flip. 

“Don’t make this a jealousy thing, Killua,” said Gon. “It’s not a jealousy thing.”

“Gon,” said Killua, resting his hand on his shoulder. There was a brief moment where neither of them said anything. “Kite’s  _ twice _ your age. That’s  _ not _ normal, Gon. He shouldn’t be doing these things to you.”

And with that, the tears started to flow. Killua would never understand. He couldn’t understand what Gon felt for Kite. 

“It’s normal to crush on older people, but it’s  _ not _ normal for them to reciprocate,” said Killua, pulling Gon in closer for a hug. He felt hollow inside. It had felt normal enough. Was Kite really a problem here?

Every emotion inside him was welling up, brewing inside him until he felt his insides curdle. Killua was right, Kite shouldn’t have... He couldn’t even finish the thought. No, no, no, he couldn’t think about that. But it was all he could think about. 

Gon pushed himself off of Killua as he felt himself getting sick. He shut his eyes, he didn’t want to look at what he did on the ground. 

“It’s okay, Gon, it’ll be okay,” said Killua. “I’ll protect you-”

“I don’t need to be protected, okay?!” snapped Gon. “Leave me alone, I just... I need to think about this.”

Gon went back to bed after he cleaned up his vomit. 

But he didn’t sleep.

He couldn’t sleep.

Kite didn’t talk to him the next morning. He didn’t look at him, either. It pained him, it made him feel  _ terrible _ on the inside. Things were different between them now. Where there were once tender touches, was complete emptiness. 

But he felt Kite’s eyes on him when he knew Killua wasn’t looking. It made him feel comfortable, but it was that exact feeling that made him feel  _ confused _ . He couldn’t be having these feelings for Kite. He needed to get rid of them, to expel them. It would make him too emotional to leave Kite behind. He couldn’t be pining for him forever. He had been  _ so  _ stupid to think that this could work. Kite was right to refuse his advances in the beginning. Because Kite  _ knew _ that they were only good until they got caught. 

And Gon did too, but he refused to see that as a possibility. He felt himself grow guiltier and guiltier as they got closer to the town. Oh how he had  _ tormented _ Kite. He was only feeling this now, but Kite was probably feeling it the whole time. What had he  _ done? _

“That’s far enough,” said Killua, sharply. Kite made a noise of agreement as he looked over at the town in the distance. “Remember what I said.”

“I know,” said Kite, stone faced. Gon couldn’t  _ bear _ to see him like this. Kite was never open with his emotions, but he had always had a quiet graciousness about him. The soft smiles that would grace his face when he wasn’t aware people were looking, the tenderness in which he touched-

Gon shoved that last thought out of his mind. 

This wasn’t  _ his _ Kite. His expression was foreign to him, it belonged to someone who was emotionless, cold, unfriendly. He wanted his Kite back so  _ badly _ , but he couldn’t have him. Gon felt his emotions taking over him as he ran up to Kite. He needed one last hug, just one last-

The back of Kite’s hand hit the side of his face. 

Gon looked up at him from the ground, pockets of white coloring his vision. 

Kite hit him.

“Please.”

It was that word that Gon realized two things: this was Kite’s own plea against himself for Gon not to tempt him anymore, and that their relationship was officially over. Gon balled his fists up in the grass. So that’s how it was. Kite wouldn’t even let him have a hug goodbye. 

“Come on, Gon,” said Killua, offering him a hand. Gon scrunched up his face, ignoring Killua’s reach and pushing himself up off the ground. This wasn’t doing anything to help his case, it was just giving more reasons for Killua to hate what they had. Was Kite really over him that easily? 

Because he wasn’t over Kite. He needed to get one last look, one last glimpse of him. He doubted they would ever meet again, and he didn’t know if they  _ should _ . Looking around, eyes filled with tears as Kite smiled at him. 

_ Goodbye.  _


End file.
